Struggling

Lately I have been struggling.

My husband and I have been living in a home that is somewhat 3 bedroom 1 bath, it is a pretty old and run down.    I don't even like to clean my house because I do not like it.  I find it difficult to enjoy cleaning something that will be ugly when I am done.

I am at a point in my life where I am ready to find a home that I enjoy.

We have been searching and looking for a place to rent and in our area there isn't a lot to choose from.  So we keep patiently waiting.  I am seriously struggling here internally.  I want to know why I haven't found something.  I want to know why I am paying twice in daycare expenses than what I can currently afford in our home.  

I just keep thinking God has this, this is in His time frame, I know He has a plan.  

I find myself constantly doubting those statements on a daily basis.  Because my walk with God is not where it should be am I struggling believing that He is there?  Am I struggling because I keep feeling like He doesn't have mine and my families best interests at heart?  Is the unknowing of where we will end up the hardest part?

In the end I keep going, I bring the positive energy back into our home.  Deep down inside I struggle with the worry of not knowing if things will get better for us.  I strive to be positive to always see the bright side of things, I strive to be sure that I point those things out to other people but lately I have been unable to convince myself that the positive outweighs the negative.  At what point in life do you get to a place of contentment and how can you tell the difference between being content and settling?

Here is what I leave you and me with today;
Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

Hebrews 13:5

2014

I am super excited about what 2014 has to offer. I started this blog back in 2013 and gave a little background of who I am and how my life had gone so far. As I started to write about how we got where we were I realized so much happened in such a short amount of time that blogging about it I would spend the next year just working on that. 

In a nut shell between our wedding day and today;

We lived in a crappy home we couldn't afford 

Got pregnant in the 4th month of our marriage

Moved in with my parents to get on our feet

Had our beautiful daughter Jaydyn Elise 

Stayed at my parents for two almost three years 

We moved into our own place earlier this year 

Found out we were expecting number two shortly after that 

Had to move into another place that had more room 

Now we are just three months away from our son arriving into this world and I couldn't be happier. 

I would like for this blog to become my place of sharing my life experiences between being a mom and a wife. There are a million other moms out there doing the same thing which I think is what inspired me to do the same. Although many moms blog about their experiences I still think that most of all of them are different.  We each raise our children differently and in that comes different experiences. I cannot wait to share mine with all of you! :) 

Wedding Day 6.26.2010

My wedding day was AMAZING.

I didn't want a traditional wedding...
I thought going to Vegas and getting married by someone impersonating Elvis would be awesome.
My mom and mother in law did not agree :) 
I can say that I am truly grateful that they didn't.

They spent months planning, my dad spent a lot of time landscaping the yard so we could have the wedding at their house, I didn't have to plan one thing.

I don't really remember much from my actual wedding day as I was running on about 2 hours of sleep (if that) and it went very quickly.

The moments that I remember the best are these two:

My dad giving me away...

and our first kiss as husband and wife...

My wedding day was a dream come true, had I been stubborn and not taken the advice of others I would have missed out on one of the best days of my life...

I pray that one day my daughter will find a love like this.

Unconditional

Amazing

Crazy

Love 

The kind of love that only gets stronger throughout the years.

Given up

I had given up.

Lost all hope of ever getting married.

We had been together almost 4 years and everytime the topic was brought up he acted as if it would never happen.

We went to Arkansas for a week.  It was our vacation for the year and who better to spend it with than his mom Ginny and her boyfriend Shawn. (That was not a sarcastic question either.)

During our vacation Shawn and Ginny rented a house boat for three days!  It was the best thing I had experienced so far.

One evening it was getting close to sunset and Dj asked me to take a ride with him in a boat (that belonged to Shawn's parents) but I really didn't want to go.  I kept saying why can't we go tomorrow during the day? Why does it have to be now?  I was seriously being a baby.

Ginny approached me with a camera "please go and take pictures on the lake of the sunset, it'll be fun, just go."

So I went but I wasn't going to enjoy it in fact I took a magazine with me just so I could read it instead of paying attention to my surroundings.  When Dj stopped the boat I got up took some pictures, I went back to my seat and promptly started reading the magazine again. 

Dj said "Babe"

Without looking up from the article I was reading I said "What?"

He again said "Babe"

I dropped my hands down into my lap and said "what?!" When I looked at his face I immediately wanted to take that what?! Away and listen to him without attitude.  He was looking at me with a look of love a look that I know many women see when their husbands propose the one that is scared but amazingly steady. He even had a tear in his eye. 

He said "Babe will you marry me?" As he pulls a box out from his pocket and opens it up.

The ring that I had dreamed of was sparkling so bright!!

All I could say was "Shut up!"

"Was that a yes?" Dj asked

"Yes!!!" I said then I smacked him.

I didn't smack him out of anger I smacked him because of how well he surprised me.

I don't think I could have asked for a more romantic proposal!

We spent the rest of the evening celebrating with Shawn and Ginny (I was not so secretly staring at my ring all night in disbelief.)

I was hoping to post some pictures from that day but unfortunately do not have them anymore.